i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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