so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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