You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
