So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
