My first STD was from a foam party
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
