Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
