I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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