my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
