If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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