Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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