and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize