I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
they're like a gay fantastic four
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
