I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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