I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
