my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
