Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize