Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
