If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Randomize
