so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
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