During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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