I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
