Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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