I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
