swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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