you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
