btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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