I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
