Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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