I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
