i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
