I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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