sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Also, beer. Big fan.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize