no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
