We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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