I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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