How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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