he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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