i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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