I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
