i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
