i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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