So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
