The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
