turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize