I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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