my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
