Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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