mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
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