guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
