so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize