Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
No more Irish car bombs ever.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
