My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
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