i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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