Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
