his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
