fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
