There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
There are leaves in my underwear?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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