Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
