Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
