i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
