Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize