My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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