I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
