The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
