I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
