cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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