You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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