Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
