...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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