Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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